Sexuality: a feral incursion

I've spent the last hour reading through my old booklet of poems I created back in 2003, searching for a pleasant yet suitably shocking quote to turn into a tattoo for my 20th birthday.

And reading through them, I notice they're rife with sexual imagery that, at the time, I can only assume was subconscious.

For example, this is a small stanza from a poem I wrote called 'The Unholy Siege of Heaven':

"The fiendish dome does dilate so,

Bulging forth with monstrous force; to Heaven's virtue impede,

Quaking in discordant shrieks,

And ruptures. To overbrim, its loathesome contents freed."

Taken out of context, you might assume this is a poem about rape or 'unholy' sexual conduct, and you'd probably be right. Originally, it was on the subject of demons invading the Kingdom of Heaven and I distinctly remember being proud of how I'd made it so blood-curdling and violent, but reading back through it, it strikes me how very easy it is for my inner-feelings to seep into my 'art', without my knowledge or understanding.

At the time I wrote this, I imagine I would have been in Year 10 or so at Secondary School, and it was a confusing time when my sexuality seemed to be going through changes I vehemently ignored, choosing to work tirelessly instead. Well, to steal another line of the poem's seemingly ambiguous imagery, this was "straining the now weakened veil." Or 'pushing it a bit', as you less anally-retentive folks probably say.

I'm just a little shocked that at a time when I remember being so very focused on learning and so very determined to block out urges of any kind, they appear to have invaded my subconscious with an almost feral incursion.

For those of you who enjoy melodrama, read the full 33 verse poem below...

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The Unholy Siege of Heaven

By Jamie Hogue (2003)

Infused with rapturous serenity;

Truly so is such a place of hallowed tone.

Entrancing sweeps of burnished cloud

Emanating light in lustrous streams of Sun's own.

Lofty turrets of dear glimmering mist,

Wondrous in their crystalline purity,

To take to yonder boundless skies

And be by mystic airs so kissed.

A space amassed in empyrean forms,

Each buoyant of their own accord,

In chiselled semblance of our peerless God,

And such blissful rapport on all adorned.

Unity here embraces His world,

Every being so bathed in collective affection,

Cultured radiance does this equal, assured,

And acts to enhance the known righteous connection.

Yet, on this day, a strange sensation does present,

Unease to taint such divine scene,

Ill grown distress does ail these skies

To compel His loved domain unclean.

From tarnished air arouses grave dismay,

Doctrines lost in pained revolt,

Seraphs mill about in troubled gloom

As prayers do come to unknown halt.

With this, dear minds are spoilt in time,

Dreaming visions of such frightful death,

To search the scene for signs of breach,

Seeking so in waning breath.

Attend, what afar is promptly spied?

Once winsome cloud pulsates with deathly haste,

Stained a vile vermilion vein,

To exude leaden fumes (in foul distaste).

Heralds now do dash apace,

Urgency widespread so swift,

Highest order to proclaim aloud

The peril posed by inverse right.

They sanctify fermented ground,

But all to no avail,

Curdling clouds repel their ventured charms,

Straining their now weakened veil.

The fiendish dome does dilate so,

Bulging forth with monstrous force; to Heaven's virtue impede,

Quaking in discordant shrieks,

And ruptures. To overbrim, its loathsome contents freed.

Such horror! The sacred threshold is crossed anon,

Wry winged silhouettes surge ahead, do spew into view,

To circle wickedly above

And besmear this darling sky anew.

Rigid cobalt eyes impale,

The prospect that before them lies,

Their sullied gaze corruption spawns,

To set alight the angels nigh.

Alarm so stems, does escalate in grievous wails,

Throughout the realm a shrill bell peals:

A cacophony to forewarn all

As, in the ever-mounting heat, saintly ashen flesh congeals.

Scorching flames of lifeblood climb,

Charring those of the Lord's abode,

Angel's flail in suffering; such other-worldly anguish,

Seen to perish... soiled charcoal torsos about so sown.

The steely demons overhead do strike,

Storming downwards in grim tiding flows,

Barbed jagged limbs do claw at forms below,

Stilling their now jaded foes.

But for all this ruinous demise,

Few heedless angels stand aloft (in valour fierce),

To call in noble, richened key

"Come force, dear Lord; Malign shade pierce!"

Yet nil transpires to liberate the flock,

In truth their lives are jeopardised,

Such tumult does betray their place

Of hiding in anarchic skies.

The cold aggressors thus enclose,

Prowling forth in ghostly strides,

Judging their intrepid prey...

And draw nearer. To surely collide.

But scowling onwards without fright

Seraphs holds their so blessed site,

To glare fervently through honoured orps

And rebel against unearthly night.

"Your efforts are in vain," they utter so

True to faith, utterly austere,

"We trust the Lord without reserve,

He shall deliver us from fear."

Wheeling skywards, arms outstretched,

The central figure takes to air,

Surfacing unscathed from coral blaze

And does the Lord embrace with flair.

Eerie silence follows so,

Does enfold mack'rel sky entire

Until an epic strength is sensed

To fortify this wronged empire.

Fearsome thunderclaps resound,

Reverberating with exalted life,

To clamour so in ancient lore

And purge His children of this strife.

"Oh, Satan's flighted heartless beasts,

Hear me, I declare!

Forswear thus futile strike at once

And vacate this cherished plain

Or else be slain...

Dispute if though dare!"

Though this savage throng does not adhere

To the Father's thus pressing command

In bred contempt they do so sneer

At those erect my His right hand.

Gaunt frames themselves propel 'to air,

Airborne in feral swirls

To screech in hollow mortal cries

And bodily disdain unfurl.

Trumpets blare at once, in tune,

To make known demons' lives forfeit,

Announcing Heaven's vital deeds...

"You've made your choice, then so be it!"

A howling gale of blistered chill

Assails such sinful souls,

Lashing at the spectral horde

And fragment them in callous blows.

Splintered segments litter all,

To spiral earthwards in honed zephyr's wake,

Thus carried by God's potent breath

And expel such black shattered flakes.

The beasts are liquefied to naught,

Cast back from whence they came,

Hence cleansed are yonder boundless skies,

Dousing remnants of Hell's flames.

Saints arise from such nightmarish haze,

Gleaming as they do ascend,

Born afresh in silken self, so pure,

Thankful for sour bedlam's end.

Cloud-banks lighten in faith's growth,

Golden hues free nether gore,

Soft tender aura does return

To Heaven's majesty restore.